QUICKIE MOVIE REVIEWS

I've watched a bunch of terrible movies lately, and a few good ones. Here is the rundown - including a 0/10 and a 10/10.

Red Dawn
(2012, Jeremy Passmore and Carl Ellsworth)

The whole premise is cool. I've never seen the original but from what I gathered about the remake- North Korea plans an elaborate invasion on US soil, sending troops to invade nationwide, and some regular-Joe suburban guys fight back. That's not even close to what this movie really is, so don't waste your money or time.

This was so one dimensional. It's really the least thought out film I've ever seen. I don't think it was ever written. It must have been created over a lunch break and they grabbed whatever actors were around. 2/10

Trance

(2013, Joe Ahearne and John Hodge)

Here's the thing. This would be a cool movie if it wasn't so over thought. It's the opposite of Red Dawn. Its so planned that it's hard to remain focused because of the anticipation of what will happen next. It was one of these point of view "what really happened" movies, but halfway in I was lost and didn't care. 

It all seemed very forced and overworked. I don't have any interest in revisiting the story or the characters. A well intentioned flop. I don't know what if anything could have saved this movie. 5/10

Indie Game: The Movie
(DOC. 2012, James Swirsky and Lisanne Pajot)

This is going to be an unpopular opinion. If you want to watch people talk about games, sure, watch it. But there was nothing mind blowing or revolutionary, or frankly interesting about this documentary.

It was a safe, boring bet. It's watchable but it's not memorable. I almost feel like there wasn't enough here to make a movie. 4/10




Safe Haven
(2013, Gage Lansky and Dana Stevens)

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahaha....
hahahahahahahahahaha....
Don't watch this movie.
0/10

Save the Date
(2012, Jeffrey Brown, Egan Reich, Michael Mohan)

I wanted to like this movie more than I did. I enjoy all the actors and think they typically make good choices. This movie dragged its heals and became frustrating. I turned against the protagonist halfway through when motivations became muddled. I don't think they knew what the story they were trying to tell was. It was just a compilation of events that didn't really build to anything.

There were some great jokes and a lot of the drama felt genuine and close to home. Mark Webber did an outstanding job and is the only memorable character.

If I see one more slow zoom, I'm going to punch someone. It's like art school 101 for how to make things look important when they aren't. Slow zoom. 4/10



Queen of Versailles
(DOC. 2012, Lauren Greenfield)

This has quickly become one of my favorite documentaries of the year. It's a fascinating look at the life of one of the richest families in the United States. It's a surprising and engaging experience of what happens to them during the recession.

Don't mistake this for a TLC show on the big screen. It's a real American-Dream story. As old money as David Segal acts, he build his fortune piece by piece. Jackie is the arm candy beauty queen. She competed in pageants and models, but she also has a engineering degree and shops at Wal-Mart.  Everyone wants to watch these sky high people eat their humble pie, but it's not a movie that tears these people apart, it's quite compassionate. It's a thought provoking slice of reality and that's exactly what a documentary should be. 10/10

"Nothings really normal about this life. You know, getting everything... It's like you don't really have to worry about money, but at the same time, you do." (16 year old, Jonquil)

MOVIE REVIEW: Star Trek Into Darkness

9/10 - Phenomenal sequel, worth the admission price.

In my continued series to review movies that are no longer relevant, I saw the new Star Trek Into Darkness in glorious 2D.

First, I want to talk about how impressed I am that this is a sequel. When you take away all the history, and the expectations, this is just an action movie that was successful and spawned a sequel. For me, it's pretty impressive to make a watchable sequel in 2013. Because they are typically garbage (Transformers).

Into Darkness takes the typical movie magic formula and makes it work. The writers rip away everything important and do so in a way that doesn't seem unnecessary or fake. As many sequel writers have said, things have to get more personal the second time around, and they do a great job in this. I may have got a little teary eyed at one moment, but it's totally fine. It's just allergies. Don't look at me. 

It's definitely derivative, and the one thing I do notice over and over again with Damon Lindeloff is that he tends to reinterpret an idea that's just a little bit too familiar. Great story, great atmosphere, but if I took away that stuff the plot would be a story a modern trope. Good or bad, you decide. I still enjoyed the movie and was surprised by the end result.

I'm a little disappointed with how characters well established in the first movie are sort of shelved in the second. I was particularly bothered by two characters, Uhura being marginalized despite remaining a fierce female presence, and Chekov being sent to the boiler room for much of the film.

I am inclined to talk about the role of women particularly because of Dr. Marcus being a fluff piece. Movie goers have likely noticed the decline of gratuitous sexuality in regular films lately and this is probably why. The character of Dr. Marcus is fine but she feels a little one dimensional until she reveals her true plot-device purpose for being on board. Before her character is really tested, she decides to strip for Kirk. No

The Cast of Star Trek 2

one is really sure why. The ironic bit to this comes from the fact that this film is pretty well written, and the beats move so fast, which is why this scene is causing attention. When every scene is written with a purpose and payoff, and all of a sudden you ask the audience to stare at boobies because you like them? That's not going to sit well. This is why we need women in the movie industry who can get editing jobs with red pens and can say "nope, cut it." and make me happy.

I have no doubt that this role has transformed many peoples view of Benedict Cumberbatch aka Sherlock Holmes. He is now an action legend. I will fully admit that I wouldn't have thought he had it in him. He can obviously play brainy, but it takes something special to be a great evil genius. He truly lucked out with the writing because rarely are villains given enough to be terrifying. Not only is "John Harrison" mysterious, he clearly has an intention, and a viable plan. He really could out wit them all and that's invaluable. I think his character is what solely elevates Into Darkness into superb-sequel territory.

Overall, I dig Star Trek 2-ish. It's a great adventure series and it has a lot of great actors. It doles out memorable giggles and genuine emotion. It's probably one of the better movies I have seen this summer. If you want a real edge of your seat action movie, don't miss it.

IMDb - Star Trek Into Darkness (8.2)

Wikipedia - Star Trek Into Darkness

Rotten Tomatoes - Star Trek Into Darkness (87%)
Amazon.ca - Star Trek Into Darkness

My Dog Hoards Garbage

I have nothing to add. My dog is both cute and super weird.

The Internet is Conspiring Against Me

I don't have much to say except I wrote two blog posts last week, and had them as scheduled updates.

But they were eaten. By the internet. Gone forever.
You didn't miss much.


I ranted about how Pacific Rim didn't look like a good movie.

I also made a movie review for Red Dawn (which was abhorrently bad)

Since no one reads my blog, I'm just going to make a "quickie" movie review post about several movies I saw lately and I'll throw some mean stuff about Red Dawn in there to make up for it. I'm best when I'm angry, so it was an entertaining post, for sure.

No objections to skipping those posts? Great, see you next week.