REVIEW: Jack the Giant Slayer

2/10 - What did I just watch? 

Oh boy.

What was I thinking?

This is a movie no one should have made.

Okay, it's not that bad, but it's pretty bad.

This is a modern Jack and the Beanstalk, blah blah, blah.

The characters are flat, one dimensional, and even with phenomenal casting can only be compared to watching a movie played by oatmeal. Did you know that Stanley Tucci was in this? Because I watched it and I already forgot. Nicholas Hoult, I will admit, is alright. He is a charmer, and a great young actor. Eleanor Tomlinson, on the other hand, is so forgettable I cannot even recall her characters name. The only other actor worth mentioning is Ewan McGregor, who definitely tried to squeeze the lemonade out of this lemon, and stole the show. Unfortunately it didn't improve this crap movie.

Jack and the Giant Slayer is long and dull. There is so much emphasis on action and showing off this CGI universe, that it becomes monotonous and dry.

This is a guy's story, and I am getting VERY tired of the token female roll. We can do better than this, Hollywood! A princess who is out of his league,  who is helplessly engaged to someone she does not love, who tries to help and shows a brave face, but is saved by the guy at the end. It's so dull and predictable. Aren't we over this, yet?

The fatal flaw in this boring movie is the central antagonist being the giants. They are slow, dull, dimwitted, dirty, and uninteresting. There's a cheat built into the story where the hero doesn't even need to beat the giants. What a huge waste. Instead of creating a insurmountable enemy, who looks impossible to defeat, but the hero manages to squeeze by with this wits at the last second... no wits are needed and the enemy is pathetic.

The kicker is that this movie is so long. It's fifteen minutes before he even gets the beans. Why wasn't that the first scene? Wasting time on something that should have been in the title is insufferable.

I'll lighten up a bit and say that it does have some entertaining qualities. I was quite shocked by the end when it goes all Lord of the Rings and there is a big violent battle, considering the rest of the film panders to a very young audience.

Sure you can make it though a screening, with it's big budget and special effects. But I doubt you'll want to see it again.

IMDB - Jack the Giant Slayer
Wikipedia - Jack the Giant Slayer
Rotten Tomatoes - Jack the Giant Slayer (52%)
Amazon.ca - Jack the Giant Slayer